Teaching you to sail through awkward conversations no matter what you do for a living.
1. Be Approachable
A doctor doesnt wear a white coat in their office because they want patients to feel
like they are coming to talk to a friend and can tell them anything. You
can convey warmth and approachability in any line of work — keeping
personal photos and mementos at your desk is a great way to humanize
yourself so colleagues feel comfortable sharing sensitive information
with you.
2. Establish a Rapport
If you need to glean
sensitive information from someone, start by asking easy, open-ended
questions to make her feel comfortable. I always begin an appointment by
asking my patients, "How are you?" and "What's new?" This is where
typically I would hear, "Oh, I quit my job" or "I have a new boyfriend."
You get really helpful intel when you just let people talk. Once you
have that bond, it's so much easier to broach tough topics and have a
productive conversation.
3. Pick a Good Moment
Don't sit on bad news, and
never email or outsource the delivery to someone else. If I'm calling a
patient, I say, "Do you have a second? Is this a good time?" I want her
to be able to ask questions or cry without feeling awkward or
embarrassed because she's at her desk. When meeting in person, find a
private, nonintrusive place and strategic moment. If I'm going to ask a
patient how many sex partners she has had or whether she's been using
protection, I will literally wait until I'm sitting on the stool between
her legs. Whatever your workplace, a more intimate setting yields a
more honest answer.
4. Say It Clearly
When people are upset, they
don't really hear what you're saying and they get confused. Be very
straightforward about what's happening. I might say, "I have the results
back. Your BRCA genetic test is positive" or "You definitely have been
exposed to genital herpes." I condense the big picture into a one-liner,
then hand over a piece of paper on which I've written the specific next
steps.
5. Look for a Silver Lining
Emphasize any
positives associated with the bad news — maybe you highlight that it's
great you caught the issue early or you frame the information as a way
to motivate change. Focusing on positives keeps your recipient
future-oriented. Just keep the hope grounded in reality. Say, "I know
this may be hard. But we're going to help you get through it."
